Online safety monitoring poses an ethical dilemma for many parents. The question often arises about how to balance a child's right to privacy with a parent or guardian's responsibility to protect them in their digital world.
Is parental safety monitoring equivalent to spying, or a necessary measure in an risky online world? For most of us parents the answer lies in finding a middle ground to ensure safety while respecting a child's growing need for independence. We want to teach them to be self-reliant, aware of cyber risks, and to feel safe & confident knowing that we have implemented a range of security measures that form a baseline of eSafety. Such as house rules for device usage, screen time limits, the concept of earning trust. And we layer this with technology guardrails like Apple Family parental controls, Life360, and monitoring serivces for social media platforms.
Security services like Joey Family provide a way to monitor a child's online activity without needing to read every message. It uses AI monitoring to show red, yellow and green flags to provide an overview of a child's online interactions.
Joey was created by Australian tech CEO Grant Callaghan Grant LinkedIn profile who was unable to find an existing solution to help keep his son safe online.
He believes parents and guardians have a duty to protect their kids from online danger and wanted to create an easy, and less intrusive, way for that to happen. "My view is that real issues seldom appear in real-time, out of the blue. The real crisis issues we have to respond to begin with signals weeks/months/days beforehand. I truly beleive we can capture those signals that form a pattern of risk that we can step in before they become insurmountable," says Joey co-founder, Grant Callaghan
Monitoring apps, location tracking and social media checks can help parents intervene before harm occurs. Young children lack the experience to recognise when there is a potential danger. Apps such as Joey, combined with parental controls, can help protect against cyberbullying, inappropriate content, scams and even predators.
Modern day threats are often digital and not always visible to parents/guardians when a child is online unsupervised. Monitoring can provide information to help parents/guardians teach children responsible digital behaviour and alert to issues.
To some kids, especially teenagers, over-monitoring and harsh restrictions can feel like a breach of trust and a barrier to the opportunity to build their independence.
Psychologists warn that if children feel they are not trusted, they may become more rebellious or find ways to bypass restrictions and potentially put themselves at greater risk.
To strike a balance, parents and guardians need to communicate clearly about online risks. They need to be transparent about what monitoring will take place and work to agree boundaries with their child. They also need to let them know that in some circumstances, the need for safety may override a child's right to privacy.
Younger kids need stricter controls, while teenagers may benefit from regularly reviewed and negotiated rules. By implementing these boundaries, you can potentially avoid needing to read private messages unless there is a clear safety concern. All kids are different need differing levels of guardrails.
Joey was created to help parents safely navigate their child's online world.
Why "monitoring" and "spying" feel different
Parents use the terms interchangeably, yet teens draw a sharp line between the two. During the 2024 parent focus groups we ran for Joey, kids said they feel spied on when:
- They discover tools after the fact. Surprise monitoring undermines trust even if the intentions were protective.
- 'Dad, you are totally invading my privacy' Teens think private jokes or crush talk is private and don't want their parents prying unnecessarily into their lives
- "Reading my phone" Kids worry what parents will discover (and use against them) if parents are just plain reading their conversations. I wonder why kids love Snap??
In contrast, the same teens described monitoring as acceptable when:
- They were invited into the setup conversation and could ask questions.
- They understand that Joey is there to protect them.
- They acknowledge that they, as tweens and teens, can't possibly know about all the dangers the internet and apps expose them to.
- The scope was clearly defined (e.g., "We only review alerts about bullying, strangers, or money requests").
- The family had agreed check-ins about what is working and what feels intrusive.
Framing the difference this way gives you language to talk about intentions: "We are installing this together because your safety matters". Instead of "We bought this because we do not trust you." This isn't about the classic reading a child's private diary, it is actually about providing a way for our kids to earn trust and be given more freedom.
Start with the family's values
Before you install a tool like Joey, have a chat and explain the problems you are trying to solve. It is totally fine to confess that you are worried, and a great outcome would be for a tool like Joey to tell the parent: 'Hey, there is nothing to worry about. All Green Flags' e.g. no alerts. Common values include:
- Safety: catching bullying, grooming, or self-harm concerns early.
- Respect: showing that your child has a voice in the process.
- Skill building: helping them recognise red flags themselves, not just delegating everything to software.
When teens see the logic up front, they are more likely to cooperate even when they disagree with a decision.
Co-create digital house rules
In our house we call these the 'Ground Rules' Callaghan family Ground Rules for device usage, eSafety, parental controls. Consider including:
- Device usage and parental control settings When your child starts using a new app, you review privacy settings together and add it to the monitored list if needed.
- Escalation flow: Outline what happens if Joey flags a severe alert: who you talk to first, when you involve school staff, and how you document conversations.
- Restoration plan: Mistakes happen. Note the steps for restoring trust if someone breaks the agreement (e.g., extra check-ins for a fortnight, written apology, or specific coaching).
Build skills, not fear
Monitoring should lead to coaching moments, not just alerts. Pair every insight with a growth conversation:
- Role-play tough situations. Practise responses to scenarios like money solicitations, slur-filled group chats, or someone sharing a private photo. I find in a drive to school or home, discussing one of these scenarios is a great time for these chats. The other day we talked about situations where classmates are sharing embarrassing videos of another student and the conversation really took off.
- Teach digital empathy. Help your child recognise when classmates might feel excluded and how to support peers being targeted.
- Celebrate wins. When your teen brings you a concern proactively, praise the behaviour. Positive reinforcement keeps the communication channel open.
How Joey keeps the balance
Joey was purpose-built to respect privacy boundaries while surfacing real risks:
- Signal-based alerts: Instead of providing full message logs, Joey highlights the trigger (e.g., "money request," "slur detected") with context. Seriously it is less about snooping, and much more about having an intelligent agent do the work for you - these kids have 10's of thousands of messages. It is literally the pivotal moment that got me to create Joey - there is no way I can regularly review thousands of messages.
Joey's AI listens for patterns that require action. We have 7 Smart Alerts to extend Apple's guardrails
What Smart Alerts Detect
Signals, Not Surveillance
Joey provides automated insights across seven priority areas of online safety and well-being.
Suspicious contacts
Flags unknown numbers, sudden contact churn, and outreach patterns that don't feel safe.
Bullying & harassment
Surfaces repeated put-downs, intimidation, or language meant to isolate your child.
Detect hate speech, slurs and profanity in iMessage
Detects escalating language, slurs, or harmful rhetoric that signals conversations are off track.
Emotional distress
Looks for signals of anxiety, withdrawal, or self-harm language so parents can check in early.
Money & gifts
Highlights payment requests, gift-card pressure, and money drops mixed with urgency cues.
Detect your child sharing personal information (PII)
Warns when kids are asked to share addresses, passwords, location, or contact details.
Drugs & alcohol
Catches references to substance use, supply offers, or planning that needs adult guidance.
Each alert card links directly to resources inside the Smart Alerts feature page so you understand what triggered the flag and what to do next.
Further reading and internal links
- Explore Joey's Smart Alerts feature to see the categories and privacy protections described above.
- Read our deep dive on handling money requests in teen chats to practise supportive scripts.
- Share this article with caregivers or co-parents so everyone applies the same guardrails.
Balancing safety and privacy is not about choosing one over the other, it is about designing a system that adapts as your child grows. Transparent conversations, well-chosen tools, and regular check-ins make monitoring feel like partnership instead of policing.
