My son, Francis was 11, in the 6th grade, and seemingly things were going well for him. His Mum and I are involved and we think good parents. But I had some questions.
Friends
In the 6th grade, my son has a new, great group of friends. They play basketball together, Fortnite, chat together online a lot. The boys all look us in the eye, have great chats with us, and are respectful. What's not to like?
Well, I had some nagging questions. Was this new group of friends too cool a group of boys and maybe not my son's best fit for friends? We had banned Snapchat and all his friends are on it-was he lonely? Our son is an only child too.
While we have great chats with our child, was he really happy? What was going on in his world?
Phone and social media use
Earlier that year he was given his first phone. Within a few months, he was asking for access to all sorts of new apps, including Snapchat, which is a bit of a mystery for us. After taking a peek at his Snapchat one day, it seemed like there was just a bunch of silly messages going on. And most of the messages auto-delete!?!?
Then I began noticing more articles about the dangers of Snap and other social media. So we made the decision to ban Snap. And TikTok. But we wondered what the side effects of this banning would be.
Would it mean Francis became less connected with his friends, and not included?
Could we just trust our son to be sensible?
Our role as parents
This all got me thinking about what exactly we should be doing to support our kids as they move online more and more. What are the ground rules we should set? What sort of conversations should we be having with our tweens and young teens? How do we set them up for success and give them the tools to help protect themselves in the wilds of the internet they are venturing into for the first time? What exactly are the dangers out there we should be worrying about?
Areas of concern
Initially, we were most worried about these topics for our sensible 12-year-old boy:
- Were there some new friends in my son's circle that may not be a great fit for him?
- Were older siblings in the social circle sharing inappropriate content?
- Are these kids playing nice online? Would my son even tell me if kids were being mean?
- Was my son lonely?
I want to trust my son and let him take appropriate risks without being a helicopter parent, but how do I know how much leeway we can give him and his mates? The kids might present one way to us parents (all charm) but what is the reality?
Three Facts
So we began building Joey based on these three fundamental facts:
1. The kids are online more and more
Yep, no surprise here.
2. The kids are playing online
When our kids get home from school, they are playing online. Whether it's Roblox, Minecraft, Fortnite, or they are chatting via iMessages, or sending goofy photos on Snapchat, they aren't riding their bikes around the neighborhood, they are playing online.
3. No antivirus
All our PCs have antivirus-it's a no-brainer. But, there is no antivirus for social media. And Snapchat, Facebook, Roblox, Apple, Google do very little to keep our kids safe.
Our 10, 11, 12-year-old kids don't know much about the dangers of the internet, yet most of us feel comfortable letting them play in these online playgrounds where more than 20% of kids report being approached by a stranger in the last year. We wouldn't let our kids walk down to the local park if it were this dangerous. There is no antivirus for social media. Most kids in our research tell us they wouldn't tell their parents if something scary happens to them online (for a variety of reasons-we'll release our survey results soon), so parents, what are we going to do about this?
Ok, so that's the back story for why my son and I have created Joey. I hope it gives you a good insight into our family's situation. I am a dad who is worried and learning as I go. It's great working on this project with my son. I know a lot about data, analytics and technology, and my company has some great resources we can use to develop Joey. Sam and I hope we can share our learnings with your family and help keep all our kids safe online.
